As my voice against ‘grammar Jews’ and mainstream listeners gets more pointed and pronounced, people have begun attempting to persuade me that I am in fact, a hipster.

Knowing me, I ran straight to the dictionary.

The dictionary informed me that a hipster was “someone who follows fashion.” Hmm, as I look down at my Old Navy shorts and shirt from Thailand that makes a pun out of Puma by adding a ‘b’ to make the word “Pumba” and has the loveable Lion King character jumping over the word mimicking Puma’s logo, I sense an air of ‘unfashionableness.’ However, the rest of the ‘hipster’ word users seem to think it means the opposite. In their eyes, a hipster is someone who goes outside the norm and challenges the mainstream perception of social acceptability.

Now, it seems to me that hipsters seem to have become a mainstream culture themselves. I saw an amusing picture that had a typical hipster on it (the thick-rimmed non-prescription glasses, the striped shirt with a slight v-neck and accompanying stripy scarf, the ponderous yet vacant stare into the camera as if pretending to think but in reality only checking their hair in the reflection of the lens) and in nice big white letters it stated: “Likes mainstream, because hating mainstream has become too mainstream.”

Hopefully you are now as confused as I am.

Let me see if I can understand that correctly. Since I enforce grammar rules, love language and dislike mainstream music, and mainstreamers break and are ignorant of grammar rules and enjoy mainstream music, I am a hipster in the eyes of my peers yet not a hipster through the eyes of a dictionary. However, since hating mainstream has become mainstream, I am no longer a hipster to mainstreamers and am now a hipster according to my friend the dictionary. Now this means that the mainstreamers have become the hipsters and the hipsters have become the mainstreamers. I can see an endless loop forming.

I would just like to go back to Grade 5, where I was called a nerd because I at least know that I am a short, prescription-glasses-wearing, language-loving, learning-loving, person who prefers a nice Scrabble game with friends to grinding up against strangers and who will sit in a basement alone jamming out on a guitar for an hour while his friends go have their way with Mary Jane.

So please do not call me a hipster anymore because it means nothing to me and just confuses me so much that I have to waste my time writing a blog and your time reading it.

I’m sorry.


About lonelemming

18-year-old student at the University of Waterloo studying in a Legal Studies and Business Co-op program.
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